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Breathe

I feel so anxious before I talk, what can I do? Once I stand up, I forget what I planned to say. FIRST, prepare yourself before you speak. One time I was scuba diving in very big waves. When I jumped off the boat under the water, I heard a loud swishing sound in my ears. I started to panic thinking the regulator was broken—but then I realized that sound was myself, hyperventilating. I had not paid attention that I was hyperventilating before jumping in the water. It took me at least 15 minutes under the water to calm down. I promised myself that the next time I went scuba diving, I would be sure I was calm before I jumped in the water. Don’t do like I did and jump in the water before you are calm and relaxed. Instead, prepare yourself to speak with a breathing technique you find useful. Practice this type of breathing as you await your turn to talk. Do your breathing technique when you are walking to a meeting. You don’t have to be sitting in a quiet place. Think you can find a better relaxation technique than breathing? Listen to Dr. Andrew Weil: “The single most effective relaxation technique I know is conscious regulation of breath.” SECOND, practice diaphragm breathing:
  • If alone, put a hand on your chest and a hand on your stomach.
  • Inhale through your nose for a couple of seconds. You don’t have to make noise. Feel your stomach expand with your hand.
  • Exhale through your mouth. Feel your stomach go in. (If alone purse your lips a bit like sipping on a straw.)
THIRD, practice inhale and exhale for a certain number of counts. One way to calm down is to count your breaths. Sit down in a quiet place and close your eyes. Or practice when sitting with your eyes open in a meeting. Inhale through your nose, count until your lungs are full but not uncomfortably so. Then, exhale through your nose and count, trying to make the inhalation and exhalation the same. It helps a little to control the exhalation by constricting the muscles in your throat. After several breaths, increase the count for the exhalation until ideally it is at a ratio of 1 to 2—that is, if you inhale for 4 counts, then exhale for 8. Repeat 10 times, each time allowing your body to relax on each exhalation. See this video for an example. How about you find a breathing meditation of 10 minutes and listen twice a day? Can you find one yourself? See below.
  1. Article – Breathing Basics: The How And The Why
  2. Article – 3 Reasons Everyone Should Try Alternate Nostril Breathing   MY FAVORITE!!!
  3. Apps – Best Deep Breathing Apps (4 to choose from)

The Best Investment You Can Make

Take a Chance and Change 3 Communication Skills

Here’s part of Warren Buffet’s answer to Michael Hood’s question. He asked: “What is one tip you’d give 21-year-olds just graduating from school?” “Invest in yourself. The one easy way to become worth 50 percent more than you are now at least is to hone your communication skills–both written and verbal.”  Here is Warren Buffet’s whole answer. This is not just good advice for younger people! Everyone can benefit from better communication skills. Here are my 3 Communication Best Practice 2019 changes for you. You can use these skills every day, whether making a formal presentation at a meeting, or even informally, outside of a work-related environment.
  1. Get to the point—and end there. (Content Change) I never send out any communication without trying to make it more concise and better organized. CHANGE: Try to cut every email you send by 1/3. Plan to speak 5-10 minutes less for every presentation you plan. Cut words and images from every visual you create (PowerPoint, Viseo, Prezi, executive summary, storyboard).
  2. Organize your messages and state them clearly. (Content Change) I set a context and name the topic area (headline) before I get into the details. CHANGE: Use headlines as you speak. Help your listener follow you. Take a chance and use these types of phrases: “Here’s the problem…” “The least costly solution is…” “There are 3 options to consider…” “Let me start with the 3 key messages I want you to remember…” In emails, consider putting your categories in bold letters such as Issue, Problems, Best Solution, Next Steps.
  3. Create a positive atmosphere with your voice tone, eye contact and focused words. (Engagement Skills) I find ways to be positive in my interactions with others, adding a positive feeling into the conversation. I project the energy I would like from others. CHANGE: Smile when appropriate and speak with enthusiasm. Take a chance and put more excitement, enthusiasm and curiosity into your voice and communications. Think about how you feel when someone sounds happy and excited about a topic, especially on the phone. Here’s some interesting research: “The More You Energize Your Coworkers, the Better Everyone Performs.”

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Several Key Takeaways From This Research

  1. The good news is that you can do something! Focus on relational energy—the energy we get and give in our daily interactions. Every action and word, no matter how small, matters in boosting productivity and performance.
  2. In your written communications, write positive comments and words that make the reader smile.
  3. Sound excited and interested when you speak to someone. When my husband was in the middle of a long 6-month crisis at work, he always sounded upbeat and happy to hear from me when I called him.
You have an opportunity to make these changes. Just try them for one week and notice the difference. 

How Will Argentine Tango Skills Make You a Better Presenter?

In my Get to the Message Workshop, we experiment using Argentine Tango skills to become more connected and engaged with the audience.

Upright Posture Is Crucial to Look Confident

Just by a person’s stance, each audience member makes a decision on that presenter’s level of confidence. People are told to stand up straight all the time, but there are conflicting views on how to do it. Tango provides clear guidelines on how to stand up straight.
  • Roll your shoulders back so your scapula drops.
  • Bring your ribs together to protect your back.
  • Stand on your big toe mounds and your heel. Why? Standing on your big toe mounds makes you use your inner muscles. Your heel makes you use your hamstrings.
  • Project your sternum forward and upwards all the while keeping your ribs together. This makes you raise your head.

Intentional Walking Is Crucial to Appear in Charge

A presenter must walk and look purposeful, not anxious and unengaged.  Tango shows you how to walk.
  • First, maintain your posture.
  • Second, use your standing leg to move, not your free leg. Walking forward with your weight on your left leg, push the left foot into the floor before moving instead of reaching your right leg forward. Your right leg will follow when you push your left foot into the floor and use your gluteus muscles to walk. Esther Gokhale describes it best. She also sells a wonderful little bean bag to put on your head and practice walking around.
Walk This Way (IHMC Presentation)

Listening Is Crucial to Connect With Your Audience

Certainly a presenter has something to say and has planned very well. But for most executive presentations, success occurs when the presenter can change directions depending on the audience’s reactions to the topic. How do really good tango dancers look so amazing and so connected? Here’s a secret: one person leads, but then WAITS and LISTENS to feel what the follower does with that lead. If the follower intentionally or unintentionally goes in another direction or does a different type of step than the leader planned, the leader follows the follower. I love how a very seasoned tango leader will go where the follower has chosen to step and improvise. In other words, a seasoned tango leader does not stop the dance and tell the follower, “I did not lead that.” Likewise, presenters cannot tell an executive that they do not want to discuss something. The presenter follows the executive’s direction—resulting in an engaged executive. The presenter plans a “presentation/dance” but may end up doing the executive’s dance instead. Just as tango leaders adjust to the follower, presenters should adjust to their audience to keep the presentation interesting and the audience engaged. Again and again, participants in my workshops say they want to engage their audience. But many presenters pay no attention to engagement clues from the audience. Whatever they decided to do before entering the room, they keep going in that direction with this mindset: “I planned to cover this information and I’m going to do it.” Consequently, they do not create a connection with the audience. You cannot have an engaged audience unless you let them participate. Click here to see an Argentine Tango couple who connect and walk with such amazing ease all the while being on one leg.

Summary

Practice upright posture behaviors, walk with your glutes and let your audience guide what you say and how much you say about a topic. Argentine Tango

How to Motivate Yourself

As you walk up to give a presentation how many of you tell yourself, “I can do this. I will be great.”  You may be thinking you have done yourself a good service to give yourself a pep talk.  It turns out that there is an “effective” way to talk to yourself and that’s not it. “For example, in one study we found that participants who silently referred to themselves in the second or third person or used their own names while preparing for a five-minute speech were calmer and more confident and performed better on the task than those who referred to themselves using ‘I’ or ‘me.” How can you apply this in the future? About to get up to talk, say to yourself, “You will be calm and really engage the audience. You have prepared.” Worried about a difficult negotiation you are about to have, say to yourself, “Claudyne, you can create a win/win scenario. You know how to listen.” Feel like your emotions are going to get the best of you, say to yourself, “You have the ability to take charge. You are going to be fine.” The bottom line is that from the research those who used non-first person self-talk are able to be calmer when presenting and to “get control of their emotions.” Read the article. It is short and very thought provoking. https://hbr.org/2015/02/pronouns-matter-when-psyching-yourself-up